My brother is a closet Argentina supporter, i know it. One of the most common reasons for supporting a country is usually that they're arch rivals of the team your elder sibling supports. But my brother is not the die hard football fan, not even the ones who turn fans during the World Cup. He supported France in 98 because everybody around him supported Brazil, and this World Cup he's supporting Italy because he had an Italia tshirt and thought it was a good enough reason. Strange man he is, yes.

But that's not the point. The point is, that he happens to come across these random articles written on Maradona and Argentina and he forwards them to me, on the pretext that i'll enjoy them. And i just found one on his desktop. The other day he turned a supporter of Greece (he was supporting Angelopolis, he said) because they were playing Argentina and everybody likes the Argentinians. He screamed and shouted 'Go Greece' every time the the Greek goalkeeper made a save, or they managed to make a correct pass, i mean that's a real sad state to be in. But in spite of his rather embarrassingly drunk-loud-noisy support for the Greeks, i noticed it. His eyes lit up when Messi made a swish and a flick (yes yes, a la Vingardium Leviosa), he smiled when Maradona jumped and danced, his eyebrows raised inconspicuously when Milito pierced through the Greek defence, even though he might have been pretending to be gunning for the Greek defender at that point of time.

Well, one can't really blame him. It's just the game beautifully played after all.

Very often, i see myself fitting in. More often, i see myself fitting out. In the middle of people, looking like people all around me, smiling at people, too many smiles, too many people. That’s when i know it’s happening. And i float in and out, mechanically. My feet move me, so i move, technically, and that’s good enough for most of me. Sometimes, it scares you because you keep seeing the same people everywhere. It’s like a nightmare you can’t get over. You can’t stay at home all day because you need to meet people to keep your mind from getting a little numb, so you get out, to catch some air and at least make faces at the dogs. And then you manage to bump into the same air around you, the same smell of your sweat, the same faces, the same places. And you get drawn back into the same story. Or you fit out.

Basically, i need a drastic change in my life. In a lot of ways.