My Stoic Friend

It happened quite a few days ago, but exams and suchlike have been on my mind. The thing is, that during bakreid, Jannagar Road turns into a khataal. Last year, i remember posting a photograph of a camel which was parked for qurbani under my house ( i know, ive recently realised this blog is more than one year old and that doesn't happen very often with me so i Keep harping on the fact ), and there are gorus from Australia who come over at this part of the year, so really, if you get yourself a bakra, you might as well sacrifice it in your bathroom.

Any way, this year, as has been the custom in the family for a few years now, came along a little khassi, as they call it. They come, they go. I am not really affected by it, i don't like fussing. There's no bond built, they usually know themselves that it's their last night before they get sacrificed. It's the way it happens, it's all a part of the food chain, the way the world works. But to be honest, this guy was a charming little fellow. I got him from khidderpore, he had black and white spots, and i knew he liked me from the moment i set my eyes on him. He never once moved left or right, never once shrieked, he happily trudged along wherever i took him, through fields and chaat walas, into the backseat of the car, and stayed there. He reached home, i left him in my room, and started watching tv. My mum commented on the fact that he Just does Not seem to have a vocal chord, and thus, bang on cue, to showcase to my mum what a lovely voice he had, the fellow started singing. So i came back into the room and asked him to chill it man, that she got it, and he obediently quietened down. And he stayed there, the entire night, sitting, and then getting up to get some exercise, eating leaves, letting out a yawn, or a sneeze and then going back to slouching. He was probably writing an autobiography in his head, it looked like that, but i couldn't be sure.

And then next morning happened, and i looked at him, and said, buddy, time up. He understood me perfectly, i could see it in his eyes. With no signs of any protest, he came along, quietly, let out a barrage of goat-potty Right at my front door, and then hopped down the stairs, i shit you not. The others were getting halaal-ed at that point of time, so i didn't let him see that, though i'm sure he would have braved it in his own unperturbed way, the hero. And so he came onto the playing field, and this is the part where people get violent. I couldn't bare to see it, of course, let alone chalao the knife across his throat, but they told me he didn't even twitch through it all, in a way that he was a convenient fellow, and had no 'badan mein phurti'.

Of Course, i thought. He didn't really belong to this world of gleeful violence, you see. Actually, to be honest, and i knew this all along, i really just thought that he was a bit of a stoner.

The shrinking penis disease.

So now, it's confirmed. It's true.

Three of Pathak's maids told him about a disease which is doing the rounds of the villages around calcutta where for the males the penis, and for the females the breasts are suddenly shrinking in size. I laughed it off, obviously, telling him that it's okay, everyone thinks it's bigger anyway, so one person thought that it Just happened, and hence everyone joined in to make themselves feel better. But then the next day i heard about the same disease from three friends in Entirely different friend circles, and all of them drew the line back to the maid at Their place.

Now google tells me that it's happened in Gurgaon too.

There are conflicting opinions, however, on what the cure is. While some believe you need to apply chuna on the ears and the neck, some believe you need to immerse yourself in a pond ( or any body of water) for a couple of hours.

Very often in life, i think that cricket is something i shouldn't have let go in the way i did. More so with these super-slow motion cameras. At a thousand frames a second, they make a cover drive look like chocolate syrup pouring on strawberry. I recently caught myself jumping on the sofa going Look At That Man when they showed Laxman playing an on drive through mid-wicket in super slow mo. It's something else, it's something else. And then i sit and get sucked into a world. Of how the 96 world cup would look different if there were these cameras on a certain gentleman called Jonathan Rhodes. Or a Warne feeling the seam of the leather ball on the tip of his fingers during his walk-up ( you Can't call that a run-up, can you?) before a delivery. Or, haha, Courtney Walsh trying not to break into laughter and then finally not being able to control himself and bursting out uncontrollably when he sees the electric blue colour on Funky Miller's head while taking guard first thing in the morning.

Okayokay, stopme stopme. I can see this turning into an old-friends-and-alcohol-talk. 

But then again, a Brian Lara backlift and pull shot, in super slow mo. There aren't too many things more breathtaking to watch in life.

I know some sensational people. I told Anuj Gupta that i was studying metaphysical poetry for some test tomorrow, and he said, "Arre, koi behnchod kuchh likha itna sau saal pehle, te log ko abhi bhi usmein unglee karna zaroori hai na. Go find some work to do man, earn some money na"

Well, sometimes it's really difficult to argue with such Fine logic.

And yes, i'm also realising i know too many people who offer me these quotable quotes.

So I got out of a comedy exam and bumped into Sion outside the union room. He had seen me before the exam too, and asked how it went, and i told him that i thought there was a Random-ass question.

"The first act is ingenious, the second is beautiful, and the third abominably clever." Comment on the plot structure of The Importance of Being Earnest with reference to the critic's views ( or something on the lines of that ). You know, What KIND of a question is that.

To which he replies saying, "Actually, i don't know about the plot structure, but i can definitely comment on the critic. He's homosexual."


I'm quite a Sion fan, i must say, and things like this just make me feel better about it.

stoned musings on a theatrical night

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